it's a beautiful fall day here in the bay area. the sky is blue, the clouds are a fluffy white, and the air is perfectly crisp.
these kinds of days make me want to wrap myself in a blanket and watch friends or gilmore girls or seinfeld all day long.
these sitcoms just have that perfect 90s vibe, you know? they remind me of autumn days strolling around in beige peacoats, heeled leather boots crunching in red leaves, and dark lipstick & curly hair
i think what makes them such feel-good shows during this time of year is that sweet notion they portray of strangers that turned into family
it's something we can all relate to, so it gives us a sense of comfort watching these beloved characters' (except ross. i have a love/hateistoostrongofaword relationship with that guy) share their lives with us & each other. as it gets colder outside, we can't help but to start thinking about all the things that keep us warm.
fuzzy socks, oversized sweatshirts (look at my new desi girl crewneck!), trader joe's salted caramel hot chocolate, houndstooth sherpa fleeces...
but also, the things that make us feel warm & fuzzy inside.
heart to hearts with old friends, warm smiles from strangers, and golden memories that never wrinkle no matter how many times they play in our minds
thanks for enabling my crewneck obsession, neha, you're the best. if you wanna be a cool #desigirl with me, check out her gorgeous work here! all proceeds are donated to norcal planned parenthood :)
i recently had a conversation with a dear friend who i've now known & loved for a decade. she was telling me about how she was asked to write down a list of her achievements over her lifetime. turns out, she could only think of 4. i was shocked.
the second she even mentioned this assignment, i had immediately come up with a list of over a dozen things i thought she would consider immense life achievements
once she told me what she wrote down, i asked if i could share what i had come up with. i told her how much i admired that she had come to america as a young girl & had created an incredible life for herself here. i have also always been in awe of how strongly she loves, so i told her how i see every one of her relationships as beautiful achievements as well.
i continued to list more of these out, and for a few seconds after, our call was silent. then she said,
fuzzy coats, tall boots, orange leaves, pittsburgh squirrel hill, and forever friends. all the things i love about fall!
"i never even realized these things were achievements. i always felt like they just happened"
so, we went on to talk about how we tend to perceive challenges & achievements in life. for some reason, we immediately think of achievements to mean "success in a challenge we intentionally pursue". like a degree or a job where we decide that this is something we want to earn, and then we take the necessary steps to make it happen.
maybe part of this mindset is our hypercompetitive, silicon valley, performance-based high school persona talking. but regardless, it's something we both noticed in how we think about ourselves
as we talked, we realized that this mindset inhibits our ability to see value or growth in the day-to-day aspects of our lives. too often, we take our friendships, core values, and most importantly, ourselves, for granted.
so if you're reading this, i want you to really stay with me for a minute here.
think back on who you've talked to in the past few days - your family, your coworkers, your local grocery store's cashiers, someone you met on a dating app...anyone. and think about the last conversation you had.
what's one thing you enjoyed in that interaction? maybe it was the way you felt in that conversation. or maybe you learned something new. or maybe, you didn't enjoy that interaction, and you realized you never want to engage in that situation again.
no matter what it is, we're going to do this next part together.
a few of my favorite people. they have shown me unconditional love & support through the most formative years of my life so far. not a single day goes by that i fail to cherish each & every one of you!
think about the role YOU played in that interaction. your humor, your curiosity, your empathy, your motivation...now take a moment to appreciate it. how you handled that situation is perfectly unique to you. every moment of your life so far led up to that moment & shaped how you'd respond.
maybe this was easy for you & you are excellent at recognizing what makes you special (you go, glen coco, keep at it!!!). but for those of you struggling like i have been, i have another little anecdote from dinner i had with someone last night.
now this is someone i've known of for a few years because we have a few mutual friends, but we had never really talked much before. we ran into each other a few weeks ago and made plans to chat over dinner. as we were talking about the people we used to be and how much we've grown since, she said something that fascinated me -
"bad things have happened to me and i emerged stronger from them. but that doesn't mean im grateful that they happened.
i am grateful for ME - for the choices i made despite those challenges. i am responsible for having created this life for myself."
these words suddenly made everything make sense. it all ties back to what i was saying earlier during my conversation with my friend about how we perceive "achievements"
we are so quick to let life just have its way with us.
the good, the bad, and the ugly.
flourishing relationships, difficult childhoods, and the lowest parts of our lives that we're too scared to share with anyone else.
what i've come to realize, though, is that we are all active players in our own lives. of course, luck & privilege & all of these things play a part in this. but ultimately, each of us are uniquely fit to live the lives specially created for us.
as i've been writing my secondary application essays for medical school, i keep avoiding that one particular question which asks me to describe what makes me unique. i've struggled with this question all my life.
i've always thought, "sure, things have happened in my life that others may not have had to deal with, but i'm sure anyone else would have dealt with these things the same way"
and that's where i was wrong.
the challenges i have faced in my life have made me enhance certain parts of myself that have guided how i've dealt with these situations.
whether i realize it or not, these qualities, that i choose to rely on over & over again to navigate my life's circumstances, have shaped me into who i am today.
these qualities, in their unique context of my life, make me unique.
so today, i want to recognize that although each of our lives are similar in some ways, they are also incredibly distinct. in other words, the person i would have become if i had lived your life, instead of mine, would be vastly different from the person i am today. and the same goes for you.
this is all to say, i want each of us recognize what makes us special. i don't mean that in a "there are no winners or losers here!" kids' soccer game kind of way (im looking at you here, "participation award" generation. im totally kidding, all love, im just jealous of your trophies). but i mean it in a genuine attempt to appreciate the vulnerable humanity that has shaped each of our achievements.
so even though my last post was about "physics, running, and all the things i love to be bad at", today's post is about "biology, talking, and other things i rarely acknowledge im good at". i want to start making a conscious effort to start recognizing these things im good at. i also want to start appreciating the seemingly little things that are slowly, but surely, shaping us into the people we will ultimately become. that's ultimately what life is all about.
so with all my little stories & everything i've said - here's to celebrating you, me, and everything that makes us unique.